How do you deal with the betrayal of your spouse when you are experiencing anger, grief, shock? How do you keep from wanting to thrust hot pokers through your sister in law's eyes? Or through your husband's eyes? Does anyone have any ideas?

I'm sorry that this happened to you, I really am, it must be very painful. But I have to ask why you are so upset with the woman in the situation. She's not the one that betrayed your trust, your husband is.

Take deep breaths and go somewhere quiet to calm yourself. Think about the situation objectively. Then, confront your husband when you are ready. Never confront him when you are angry or emotionally upset.

For me, I believe it's important to step away from the situation. If you can, get away for a weekend. I realize it's not always possible, but it helps if you can. I agree with what was written earlier, too. Your husband did the deed. Your problem is with him.

It will take alot of time for you to get over this. You have to decide if your marriage is worth it. Let your husband apologize and then you have to accept it. It takes alot to forgive, but forgiveness is what is going to bring you back together.

Yes, he did the deed. But my sister in law was married to my brother. I feel strongly that both are guilty of betrayal. I am angry with both of them. My sister in law was my friend, my husband was my spouse, and now they want to marry each other and leave both my brother and I. I think it's okay to be angry with both of them.



Thanks for the advice mamabear-- concrete tips are helpful.

I believe your anger is justified for both of them. I think at first we thought you weren't delivering equal blame on your husband. Still, anger never gets us anywhere, and to move forward, you'll need to tackle that fear and tame it.

Thanks for that I appreciate the sentiments. I'm still so very hurt behind what happened but trying to get through each day. I really can say that infidelity has been incredibly hard to deal with.